THE GREAT INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

BLOG Published on Valentine's Day 2017 

If you are popping the biq question tonight, wishing you every Happiness.

If you are popping the question as one of the many couples dining at Balbirnie tonight, then here's an image just for you, as our LED's are of course set this evening, for red.

In relation to weddings, and over the course of a quarter century at Balbirnie, we've certainly seen some incredible circumstances.

Every month we sit down as a matter of absolute routine, and we have four hours of brigade discussions. These are always on the last Tuesday of each calendar month. In the Boardroom of our Balbirnie Business Centre. 

You can follow us on Twitter, we summarise as we go: 

https://twitter.com/BalbirnieHouse

12 Noon: wedding planning dept, Special Events and MC's. 

1pm: Front-of-House management team. 

2pm onwards: all management team. 

Contemplation is assisted by facts and figures, updated financials, Excel summaries, 'slide images' of the month, and breakdown of marketing analysis. I always say to those participating for the first time, 'this is a great wee forum, for contemplating your future management in Hospitality'.

Each discussion has an advance agenda, and we always summarise afterwards with minutes. This is how we evolve and progress. A continual appraisal of what we do, and an ongoing study across the span of Hospitality. We look to push boundaries, stay ahead of curves, and embrace the dynamics of continual evolution, all set against backdrops of accelerating revenues, very carefully controlling costs, and increasing value for our clients.

During one of these monthly discussions back in 2003, I had a flash of inspiration. That year, unbelievably so, we had a record-breaking 16 wedding cancellations. Heartbreaking circumstances for sure. One of the straightforward reasons for this was that couples were booking so far in advance, and that there was then extended timeline to conclude that their dream of life together, simply wasn't to be. 

So I wondered, 'what if I simply tell it exactly the way it is?' 

I asked myself, 'how can I help people avoid the pitfalls and expenses of reserving and then cancelling a wedding?'

I thought about that for a few years, and then I put pen to paper. It didn't take very long to write! And then we added it to our wedding literature. It still remains, as is today, within our newly published 60 pages of updated annual wedding literature. 

This annual update is always a busy time. In the last 7 days alone, our wedding homepage alone has had over 1100 visitors.

http://balbirnie.co.uk/weddings/

Anyways, I've been waiting for any client to mention this wee letter to me for many years, but nobody ever has. It is comparable to writing something for a newspaper, and not seeing any subsequent reader comments. Why? Because very simply, it is what it is! 

I wonder, if over the last 5 years alone, and across the span of more than 750 couples who decided to celebrate their weddings here, if my penned thoughts have ever made any difference, even to one couple? Well who knows, but one thing for sure, we hardly ever have a wedding cancellation these days!

Here's the 2017 version:

A FEW THOUGHTS FROM BALBIRNIE HOUSE, ON THE GREAT INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

I am a great believer in this- 'Positivity projected into the great ether always goes full circle'. With that in mind, here are a few very personal thoughts, for anyone thinking of getting married. I say these things specifically in the context of seeing a few weddings cancelling every year, which is most unfortunate, disastrous actually, and depending upon lead time, potentially very expensive indeed - all obviously for nothing.

If what I am about to say therefore makes anything easier for any single individual in any regard, then something positive has been accomplished.

Any couple getting married in a church will have access and spiritual guidance from a Minister. For humanist and civil ceremonies, that may not be the case, which is why we highlight referral to relevant Counselling, advance contemplation and preparation, contained elsewhere within our literature.

Over and above:

We've all seen the Hollywood wedding movies, haven't we! What I have myself also seen first-hand (and whoever is reading this has perhaps not), is absolute real life disaster on a wedding day. Fortunately such circumstances are however very rare indeed.

Before we start any year, there will possibly also always be a proportion of marriages at Balbirnie, which will unfortunately not endure the eventual test of time. That is simply an unfortunate fact of life. In my third decade of talking to couples every week about their intended wedding plans, it sometimes strikes me very much at outset, that some couples may have decided to literally rush into marriage, without actually contemplating what really does lie ahead, without realising what will be required to enable The Great Institution of Marriage … to actually work.

A wedding is of course not just a day of celebration; it is also furthermore the very beginnings of the Institution of Marriage itself.

Additionally, and stating the obvious - a simple search online of 'healthy marriage tips' is a really great place to start contemplating the very aim of what lies ahead, all with a view to an intended lifetime happiness. I wish you happy reading …

I like to think of it like this, - Picture you and your beloved walking in Balbirnie Park in the future, when you are in your eighties!!! (Or nineties!!!) Hand in hand. Very much in love with each other.  (Having visited Balbirnie many times over the years for Anniversary occasions!) Fulfilled with a lifetime of wonder and special Memories. Work everything in a timewarp backwards, now then - how and why was your marriage so successful that you have ended up so happy together in your eighties? I know this much, - setting aside a humorous suggestion that husbands do very well to pay attention and follow a wife’s instructions - there is no single particular secret.

Here’s my own tuppence. Marriage is about compassion, understanding, and patience. It is certainly not an on-going competition between two individuals. It is about trust, shared mutual regard and mutual respect, and shared common purpose, with jointly made decisions. It is about a sense of togetherness on a shared journey. It is about looking after each other always, with a feeling of absolute togetherness, and an absolute sense too that your life partner has your feelings always completely to the fore. A sense of humour will also assist you both very much!

 Anyone thinking of getting married? Ask yourself one simple question. 'Do I really hand-on-heart want to spend the whole of the rest of my life, with the person to whom I intend getting married?' Until death do us part. If the answer is 'yes', then let us please proceed with your special day. If 'unsure', (or even ‘maybe’) then I suggest that in currently contemplating getting married, you are perhaps wasting your time, and that also of your current beloved and intended.

We have lost count of the number of times we have most unfortunately had to issue cancellation invoices, only to be told (by either bride or groom) – ‘We both knew we were never the one for each other’. And we always reply, ‘we are so sorry to hear that is the case, but as a form of positive, if you both concluded that you knew, then in no longer going ahead, you have absolutely made the correct decision’.

I love marriage’s stability and a sense of real purpose every day, thanking my lucky stars for own very lovely wife, our children and extended families and all the joy we have seen as a result of our marriage together.

I wish one and all every happiness in your important lifetime decisions. Deciding who you marry is in my opinion, the biggest decision you will ever make.

And for those of you who already just somehow intuitively know that you are making the correct decision to get married. Well then, when you know, then you really know …!

All the best to you and yours, and wishing every happiness.

Nicholas Russell / MD Balbirnie x

Balbirnie House is the 10 time recipient, and Scotland's current #SHA 'Wedding Hotel of the Year'

Haute Grandeur, 2016 Europe's Best Destination Wedding Retreat